Tag Archive | RIP

Don’t Get Too Comfortable

My spirit was disturbed in the wee hours of the morning on April 25, 2015. I was unaware of what the day was going to bring and I was not prepared for the events that followed. News spread throughout my family that my one and only brother in law William Crawford had passed away at the young age of 55 after dealing with an on going up and down battle with congestive heart failure. My sister Latrese  (affectionally known as Trese) performed CPR until the paramedics arrived desperately trying to save his life. The paramedics and the doctors at the hospital did all they could but his poor heart couldn’t take it and he transitioned to be with The Lord, his mother, father and mother in law.

William Crawfrod

William Crawfrod

Having to break the news to my 14 year old son AJ  who says to me “Why does someone else in our family have to die. We’re not over memama.” was the beginning of the overwhelming emotions that would transpire throughout the course of the day. It took me about 45 minutes to get to the hospital in the pouring rain. Walking into WellStar Douglasville Emergency Room, I could feel the sense of loss. When I turned the corner I saw my oldest brother Calvin holding Trese in his arms, my niece Jasmine being comforted by her Aunt Nell (William’s sister) and my nephew Jeremy sitting off to the side with his hands in his head. I went to my sister and embraced her. Through her muffed tears she said “I tried to safe him, I tried.” My heart was broken for my sister.

Hearing Latrese explain the events leading up to her husband’s passing is surreal. From the dinner they ate together, the conversation and laughs that closed the evening, to his non responsiveness of the early morning and crying out for her sisters Carol and I for comfort because the world around her had crashed in a matter of minutes. Everything she knew to exist was gone.

When we returned to the home she shared with her husband, Trese tried to maintain well but in those moments she sat in silence tears started to fall and she cried out in pain. Even though she was surrounded by her children, siblings, other family members and close friends the one person she wanted, the one who understood her more than anyone wasn’t there. We knew her heart was broken and you could feel it in the atmosphere. Unless you’ve loss a spouse you could never know the pain that she is experiencing in but can sympathize. Every time you loose  someone different in your life it resurrects the emotions of a previous loss. True enough you never get over one loss, you learn to deal but how do you deal with loosing a parent and a spouse all within 3 years? Latrese has loss her husband of over 20 years, father of her children, friend, confidant, biggest support and cheerleader. I had no words of comfort and I couldn’t tell her “I’m sorry for her loss.”.  I gave Trese the only thing  I had and that was to be there in whatever capacity she needed so I found myself laying at the foot of their bed watching her rub the place where he slept and crying till she fell asleep.

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Latrese and William ‘Husbands love your wives.”

William loved my sister with all his heart and I can only pray to have that kind of unconditional love and supportive love from my significant other. He was a very good hard working man, caring and compassionate, loving husband, father, brother, uncle, friend and a damn good cook. With all that goodness wrapped into one person the family found ourselves asking the same question on April 7, 2012 “Why?” and the same answer is the same as it was then, “It’s God’s will.” That age old answer does’t provide the necessary comfort that is very much needed but prayerfully it will follow in the months and years to come.

William will be missed and this unexpected loss truly hurts. His physical absence is a constant reminder to never get too comfortable in thinking your loved ones will be always be around. You should learn to enjoy life’s moments and the people you love in. Stop texting and start calling. See one another and let people know how much they mean to you. I never thought in a million years that Easter Sunday, April 5, 2015 was going to be the last time that I saw, spoke, hugged and broke bread with my favorite (and only) brother in law, William.

Matthew 24:36 New Living Translation
However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself.  Only the Father knows.

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Surrounded By Family February 14, 2015: Willam seated on the far right.

I Wish You Enough

I can’t remember where I found this but I thought it was too good to not share.

I love you and I wish you enough.

I wish you enough.” May I ask what that means?”

When it’s said ‘I wish you enough’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them”.

“I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.”

They say it takes a minute to find a special person. An hour to appreciate them. A day to love them and an entire life to forget them.

Celebrating the Before and After Life

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Today would have been my Mom’s 74th Birthday. On Sunday, January 20, 2013 my siblings and family gathered to release 74 balloons and celebrate and Mom’s life. Her birthday is extremely hard for me because I wasn’t with Mom for her last birthday. Had I known last year was going to be her last, I would have worked harder to be at her side. God ordained things to happen the way they did. I don’t feel any guilt because when I was and could be there, I was and I enjoyed every single moment of it no matter how hard it was. As I continue to travel this road from grief to healing, I ask for continued prayers. The void in my heart and not having her here still hurts. I pray constantly for healing and restoration.

Mom, I carry your love in my spirit and your words in and my heart. I miss your smile and laughter. I long to hear your voice, smell your scent and to be able to rest in the comfort of your arms. I cherish every single card you gave me, the wisdom you provided, every prayer when you prayed for, with and over me and my son Adreyn (your baby), for every conversation, every high and low, and everything that you represented as a woman of God. I thank you for being there for me and allowing me being there for you. I’m honored to have had the opportunity to take care of you the way you took care of me. He gave you 73 years of a glorious life here and presented you with the gift of eternal life on the other side. God blessed and granted me 31 years to enjoy a life with you and for that I am humbled and grateful for that honor.

Happy Birthday, Mamee! You are loved and missed.

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Special Delivery to My Loved Ones

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I’m Still Here

As I sit in heaven
And watch your everyday
I try to let you know with signs
I never went away
I hear you when you are laughing
And I watch you as you sleep
I even place my arms around you
To calm you as you weep
I see you wish the days away
Begging to have me home
So I try to send you signs
So, that you will know you are not alone
Don’t feel guilty that you have
Life that was denied me
Heaven is truly beautiful
Just you wait and see
So live your life, laugh again
Enjoy yourself, be free
Then I know with every breath you take
You’ll be taking one for me…

Love you all,
Mom