Tag Archive | Peace

Don’t Get Too Comfortable

My spirit was disturbed in the wee hours of the morning on April 25, 2015. I was unaware of what the day was going to bring and I was not prepared for the events that followed. News spread throughout my family that my one and only brother in law William Crawford had passed away at the young age of 55 after dealing with an on going up and down battle with congestive heart failure. My sister Latrese  (affectionally known as Trese) performed CPR until the paramedics arrived desperately trying to save his life. The paramedics and the doctors at the hospital did all they could but his poor heart couldn’t take it and he transitioned to be with The Lord, his mother, father and mother in law.

William Crawfrod

William Crawfrod

Having to break the news to my 14 year old son AJ  who says to me “Why does someone else in our family have to die. We’re not over memama.” was the beginning of the overwhelming emotions that would transpire throughout the course of the day. It took me about 45 minutes to get to the hospital in the pouring rain. Walking into WellStar Douglasville Emergency Room, I could feel the sense of loss. When I turned the corner I saw my oldest brother Calvin holding Trese in his arms, my niece Jasmine being comforted by her Aunt Nell (William’s sister) and my nephew Jeremy sitting off to the side with his hands in his head. I went to my sister and embraced her. Through her muffed tears she said “I tried to safe him, I tried.” My heart was broken for my sister.

Hearing Latrese explain the events leading up to her husband’s passing is surreal. From the dinner they ate together, the conversation and laughs that closed the evening, to his non responsiveness of the early morning and crying out for her sisters Carol and I for comfort because the world around her had crashed in a matter of minutes. Everything she knew to exist was gone.

When we returned to the home she shared with her husband, Trese tried to maintain well but in those moments she sat in silence tears started to fall and she cried out in pain. Even though she was surrounded by her children, siblings, other family members and close friends the one person she wanted, the one who understood her more than anyone wasn’t there. We knew her heart was broken and you could feel it in the atmosphere. Unless you’ve loss a spouse you could never know the pain that she is experiencing in but can sympathize. Every time you loose  someone different in your life it resurrects the emotions of a previous loss. True enough you never get over one loss, you learn to deal but how do you deal with loosing a parent and a spouse all within 3 years? Latrese has loss her husband of over 20 years, father of her children, friend, confidant, biggest support and cheerleader. I had no words of comfort and I couldn’t tell her “I’m sorry for her loss.”.  I gave Trese the only thing  I had and that was to be there in whatever capacity she needed so I found myself laying at the foot of their bed watching her rub the place where he slept and crying till she fell asleep.

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Latrese and William ‘Husbands love your wives.”

William loved my sister with all his heart and I can only pray to have that kind of unconditional love and supportive love from my significant other. He was a very good hard working man, caring and compassionate, loving husband, father, brother, uncle, friend and a damn good cook. With all that goodness wrapped into one person the family found ourselves asking the same question on April 7, 2012 “Why?” and the same answer is the same as it was then, “It’s God’s will.” That age old answer does’t provide the necessary comfort that is very much needed but prayerfully it will follow in the months and years to come.

William will be missed and this unexpected loss truly hurts. His physical absence is a constant reminder to never get too comfortable in thinking your loved ones will be always be around. You should learn to enjoy life’s moments and the people you love in. Stop texting and start calling. See one another and let people know how much they mean to you. I never thought in a million years that Easter Sunday, April 5, 2015 was going to be the last time that I saw, spoke, hugged and broke bread with my favorite (and only) brother in law, William.

Matthew 24:36 New Living Translation
However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself.  Only the Father knows.

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Surrounded By Family February 14, 2015: Willam seated on the far right.

Release

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On Sunday, January 20, 2013 130pm at Kennedy Memorial Gardens. My siblings and I RELEASED 74 balloons in honor of moms upcoming birthday Thursday, January 24, 2013.

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As we try to put the pieces of our lives back together after our lost, it is always something. When there is disharmony, it makes the continued grieving and healing process even harder. It is my understanding that all of the things that has transpired since mom’s passing is “normal” or that “it happens in every family “. What disturbs my spirit the most is that, normal or not certain things simply should not be. Seeing a person with a sorrowful heart and allowing it to fester is worse than seeing a loved one’s body committed to the ground. They have no clue, knowledge or understanding that having a heart like that can break their spirit. I understand people grieve and deal with loss differently. I however pose the question

“Should someone else’s grieving process affect the healing process of another?”

Proverbs 15:14 The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly.

If we have God’s understanding, we can ask Him for the knowledge to overcome every trial and situation. God is bigger than our grief, sorrow, pain and every problem that any of us face. We shouldn’t be like the fool who feeds on his folly. This is a person who is continually mouthing their troubles, blaming others including God. They blame Him (God) for their circumstances and even for taking their loved one away. They fed on self-pity and rehearse their problems to all who will listen. We must give our heartaches and troubles to God and keep a cheerful attitude no matter what is going on in our lives. We need to remember, “this too, shall pass” as God is eternal and has a good plan for our future.

We must find a way to give mom back to the Lord (She belonged to Him first, anyways.) and ask Him to remove the sorrow and grief from our hearts. We can keep the good memories, but we must not allow the enemy to torment us with the bad memories. God will replace the emptiness we feel, if we ask Him to. Jesus died on the cross, not only to give us eternal life, but He also died to take our grief and sorrows. Since He took them, we do not have to take these things into ourselves, but receive healing, and peace by faith. Faith that mom had and displayed everyday prior to her transition.

Isaiah 53:4-6 (NIV) Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

Tormenting grief is of the devil, that torment can make you want hold on to things that should not be held on to, like worldly possessions. That negative emotion can cause you to live in the past, ignore your present and void your future. The devil uses bad memories to keep you in bondage and make you hurt people around you. Unknowingly or even knowingly you are hurting family and friends who are trying to transition from grieving to healing. Not caring or being aware and conscious of the fact that they suffered the same loss as you.

The Bible tells us in Philippians 3:13-14 to forget those things behind us, and reach forth to the things in front of us in Christ Jesus. The devil uses grief as way to keep you from remembering God’s Word and promise to us.

I am in no way shape or form an expert and I don’t have all the answers. This journey without mom is new for me and I am learning this process as I go along. I can’t quote hundreds of scriptures. I still have to go to the table of contents to find certain books of the Bible. Im not trying to be preachy or holier than thou, just stating how I feel and know for myself. I know is what I was taught and instilled in me.

I remember how hard it was for my mother to eulogize her own mother years prior to her own passing. Mom did not allow the grief of loosing her own mother to consume her. She didn’t harbor my grandmother’s possessions. She knew the true value of her mother and it wasn’t defined by material things. She continued to live even through her moments of sadness because she was human. She didn’t stop taking care of herself, working, going to church, ministering, and teaching. I know the kind of woman my mother was and not because she was “mom” but because she was a living testimony, inspiration and example.

The best way to honor mom’s life and legacy is to not allow the devil to bind us in so much grief and darkness that we can’t see the light. Mom would want us to be free and release but remember her. Jesus died so that we may live so that we can be blessed and a blessing to others. If we submit to God and resist the devil, then the tormenting grief and pain caused by the devil, will have to flee. (James 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.)

With mom’s birthday, the first anniversary of her death and Mother’s Day approaching we have to remember it was God’s voice we heard through her. It was God’s light that we saw in her and it was God’s light that she went into when she passed. We wanted the best for her and she is receiving the best right now, in heaven. How could we not be joyous in that? There is nothing on this side of the world to hold on to but memories of and being there for mom when she needed us the most. My vow is to RELEASE tormented grieving and allow God to heal my heart and fill the void. I want to live the life that God has for me with a “cheerful attitude” and make my mother proud.

1 Corinthians 2:9 But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”

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