Today is a day that I dreaded. Waking up, knowing that I couldn’t call my Mother was the hardest thing for me. Being a mother myself is such a blessing but the holiday has always been about my Mom. Every chance we got to celebrate her, we did. Every chance we got, we would call, or come by. Mom knew how much we loved her and we knew how much she loved us. It is because of all the LOVE that we feel such a void today. While it’s easy for some to say “She’s in a better place.” “She’s no longer suffering.” or the classic “She’s with you in spirit.” It is NOT the same. When a person as been the center of your world for your whole life, only to be taken away there is nothing anyone can say to fill that void or to make it better. Only God can give us comfort because HE knows who she was and what she meant to us. Most people will NEVER know the impact Mom had on our lives. To experience what it was like to be in her presence, to be surrounded by her love, to be comforted by her are things that are cherished by people who knew her best.
While you celebrate your Mother today, please pray for those who mourn theirs.
On Monday May 7, 2012, it will be one month since my Mother took her last breath. Needless to say, it has not been easy for us.
A week after Mom’s home-going service I had a dream about her… It had been and still is extremely hard for me to come to terms with her really being gone. Everyone is always saying “Oh, she’s with you in spirit.” but it’s not the same. People will never fully understand the relationship that Mom had with her children and grandchildren.
In the dream I was sitting in the living room waiting for her to come home. After sitting there for some time I got up and went up stairs towards her room. As I got closer to the top of the stairs I felt Moms presence. When I walked into her room and climbed into her bed (like I had done for many years), she rolled over and hugged me. I woke up in tears only to be reminded of the fact that she is really not here anymore.
After having a conversation with a good friend of mine she helped me put things in perspective… The dream was Moms way of letting me know that while she is NOT here physically she IS still in fact here and very much apart of my life. I wasn’t waiting for her, she was waiting for me. Once I went to where she was, she showed herself to me. She didn’t say anything, she comforted me. She knew the pain that I was feeling and she wanted me to be reminded of and surrounded by her love.
We’re taking it one day at a time and I’m not sure if each day has gotten better. I just know that there is a void in the lives of my siblings and I that may never be filled. God gave us a GREAT Mother and each day without her is a constant reminder of how GREAT she really was.