I spoke with my niece Carrie this morning and it’s funny how she has taken on the role of “Auntie” in the situation with Mom. One of the things that stood out to me during our conversation was…
“While, we continue to pray for Moms healing and deliverance from this disease, there are certain things that we should be mindful of. Yes, Lord said that He will give you the desires of your heart but what people don’t understand is that God will give you the desires of your heart according to His will.” ~Carrie Price~
“He will have the final word and the final glory, for His will is greater than our own.” ~MJ~
One of the best things about Mom is her faith. When people call and ask how she’s doing or “stories” they’ve heard about how she is, we tell them is that her “story” is her faith. She still loves the Lord, she still believes, and is comforted by His mere presence.
Mom’s story became more clear to me when I was sitting with her the other day. She continued to say “Lord, I’m holding on. I don’t know what else to do. I’m holding on.” She looked in my direction and says to me, “You hold on too.” When her leg began to bother her, she prayed. Mom, is forever praying. There was even a moment when she said “God is trying to tell me something. I’m listening Lord.”
As hard as it is to hear, and even harder to see. I try to find some comfort in knowing she knows that God has her wrapped in His loving arms.
Psalm 34:1 comes to mind when I think of Mom. “I will bless the Lord at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth.” She’s praising the Lord, even now, whereas some would be cursing Him.
Perhaps my Mother’s love for the Lord is one of the best stories ever. She will live, love, laugh happily ever after, according to God’s ultimate plan.
From the beginning of all this my family and I have gone through so many different emotions.
Here’s what I went through…
Denial: When we first found out about what it was that Mom had, I began to think that maybe the Doctors didn’t know what they were talking about. Maybe there was a mistake in the test. I did research and I didn’t like what I was told. “This can’t be true!”
Anger/Rage: I was outraged. I was so mad at God. How could He do this to my Mother, my family! My Mom a strong, faithful, prayerful woman… How could something like this happen to her, why is He punishing us, punishing her? No one wants to hear the word “Cancer” or “There is NO cure”. There are so many bad people out there who are walking around without a care in the world yet here we are, faced with something that we can’t understand. Something that there are NO answers for.
Acceptance: Once treatment started, things set in for me. This was REAL. Radiation, Chemotherapy, all of it was REAL. To me despite the odds, Mom was the exception to the rule and we were going to make sure of it!
Peace: As time passed and things have gone from good, to bad, to everything in between I had to learn to trust God again. He wasn’t “doing anything” to hurt us. If anything He has shown grace and mercy. Mom is at peace. She loves the Lord with all her heart and she trusts Him. When I look at her, yes it hurts to not see the same woman from a year ago but she is still MY MOTHER, MY STRENGTH and MY HERO. Through her, I am learning peace.
Mom has this ability to make you feel like you are the only one that matters. She speaks with authority. Has a presence that makes you stand up and take note. Needless to say, it warms my heart when I see children flock to her. Young children feel connected to her and she feels connected to them. The connection shows, when they sit at her bedside and hold her hand. Mom doesn’t belong to just our family.
Amore came to me and said… “I wanna hold her hand.”
I thought it was the most precious thing ever. There is nothing greater than the hand of a child.
Holding Moms hand is our way of letting her know that we are always there by her side.
I love how God works. He puts people in your life for a reason. I was ministered to about two weeks ago by an incredible woman who has dealt with the same thing that my family and I are dealing with. It’s always easy for other people to say they “understand” but its different when someone says “I understand because I’ve been there.”
“Living in the flesh, everything hurts. Living in the spirit everything is at peace.”
Only God knows how this journey will end. It is our responsibility to make the best of it. Once you fully trust God, you can stop focusing on the negative and start focusing on the positive. Being negative takes away from making the most of the journey. You don’t want to miss out on all the good things in life by letting the devil steal your joy. Having a sense of peace will allow you to enjoy the journey no matter how bad it may seem.
I want to make this the best journey for Mom as possible. I want to enjoy each and every moment with her without regret.
Spending time with Mommy! I love laughing, sharing and caring with her. Talked about our family tree, family nicknames, and how much she doesn’t like the Lakers (“Big Deal.” she says)! It’s times like this that are so precious.